gah

one of my favorite moments in "Some Like it Hot"

We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;
your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I hate this poem. I want to kick Pierre Teilhard de Chardin in the teeth. I don’t want to be patient with myself. I don’t want to take time to change gradually. I know I should be saying how wise and good this advice is, and I know that it is all true. And that’s why I loathe it. Being patient sucks. Being in transition sucks. Having people constantly tell me that I’m in transition sucks.

Other things of high suckitude:

Feeling confused and unsure about my future.

Feeling angry and aggressive and not having a satisfying outlet.

People asking me why I’m shy and telling me I should be more outgoing.

People condescendingly telling me that I should just forget about men and then the right one will come along. Why don’t they tell men to just leave me the frig alone? That would make it much easier to forget about them!

Crankiness.

 

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